"Hipster Olympics" Profiles the Ironic Set

Authored by Scott Goldberg on September 5, 2007 - 6:49am.

No matter your style choice, it’s likely you’re adhering to some kind of uniform. Goths wear tight black leather clothes, boots, dark makeup, and S&M accessories; Preps wear collared Polos, khaki pants, loafers, and gelled, 50’s-style hair; Hipsters combine trends from all other uniforms in an attempt to achieve the non-uniform look (ie, Ray Bans, collared shirts or ironic t-shirts, a pastel sweater around their neck perhaps, tight pants at all times regardless of a heat wave, flannel, the mandatory pale skin and cigarette, etc). The obvious problem with the Hipster’s thinking is that in it its attempt to reach nonconformity it ends up as uniform as any style, whether they’d admit it or not. Fortunately for us the Hipster Olympics exists, which can be seen here.

The Hipster Olympics drives at the root of the Hipster Persona with precision. The narrator begins, saying, “Contestants have been training year round inside loft buildings and dive bars all over New York City, and today is their big day. Of course, no self-respecting Hipster would ever enter this contest let alone admit to being a Hipster in the first place, so we’re forced to assume our contestants’ participation was strictly ironic.”

The Olympics dissects every aspect of the Hipster Lifestyle, including the “hangover accessory” so key to the Hipster’s look. “Referee Wally Masters is giving the contestants a once-over. He’s checking that each contestant is adequately hung over, looking for bags under the eyes, bed head, rumpled clothing, the smell of alcohol. He’s also examining each for the tightness of their pants, making sure any and all accessories are sanctioned. He’s looking for an overall level of nonchalance and a reticent aire of superiority.”

According to the site Catwalking.com, a “Hipster” is defined as a “Style for skirts and trousers where the waist band fits low on the hip rather than the waist. Made popular in the 1960s where they were often worn with a large belt.”

But as one of the signature trends of the decade it’s come to mean so much more! Sorry Hipsters, you’ve been outed.

Scott Goldberg