There’s nothing cooler in 2008 than actively, rapidly texting friends while hanging out with a group. Nothing. Who isn’t blown away by the frost of coolness from a friend sitting in silence at a bar, firing away message after to message to people you’ve probably never met, and never will? It’s hotter than hot, people, cooler than a spray-on tan certainly, and the only thing surpassing it is when it’s done on an iPhone. Now THAT is coolness unlike anything we’ve ever seen. People used to think tatts were cool. Yeah, right. Grow up, geek.

So take that with you throughout your social forays this year: Pull out your phone, preferably in as crowded of a place as possible, and just start texting like a madman. And the bigger the group of friends you’re with, the more you should hoist your phone in front of your face. Send those tagalongs you’re with a message of their own: I’d rather be hanging out with other people.

It’s even better on a date, and demonstrates your coolness without saying a word.

Head into a job interview, and when they start asking questions, just pull out your Helio and text a fool: “In a ntrvu…so lame. What u up 2 lata?”

Ladies, are guys trying to talk to you? Clearly you aren’t texting enough. Why even give anybody the impression your attention is available?

It’s the new Middle Finger, sending much more of a “F*ck You” than one of your little digits ever could. Give it a try. Wear some cool.